No Filter.

One of the most important things I think I have to remind myself is that while what you see is real.

What you don’t see is probably more real. 

I just finished my youngest’s birthday weekend. Winter birthdays and parties are a little foreign to me because while I’ve been planning kiddo birthday parties for 13 years, they’ve all been in the summer. My youngest’s birthday is in January and in central Wisconsin that means absolutely no access to our beautiful backyard and the noise level with kiddo giggles and screams is a little more intense as I figure out indoor activities.

If you follow me on social media or know me as an acquaintance, you might see these pictures of elaborate birthday cakes and think that I must really like baking. But that’s not it. What I love is memory creating. I actually really dislike baking and would never consider offering my services up for a business because even if I could make money from it, I wouldn’t enjoy it. And life is about more than earning a living.

Every year as we start talking birthday shenanigans, my daughters are allowed to pick a cake design they want me to attempt. Now there are plenty of times while we google images that I hear them gasp when a picture comes up and I immediately say, “Don’t get attached to that, Mom can’t make that.” Because while I do have some fancy tools that make me look more talented than I am sometimes, I go for “looks impressive, but simple.”

The girls always wake up on their party day to the kitchen being transformed into party headquarters. (Never underestimate the power of a themed kit with a disposable table cloth from Amazon) They know their cake is likely hiding in the fridge and they can take a peek when they wake up. 

There’s typically a time or two in the middle of the night when I was lost as to the next step for the cake since I’m just following some picture I’ve found or trying to desperately find a video tutorial to show me what’s next. Inevitably with the more difficult cakes there’s some point where my lack of skill comes out and I’m either close to or very much so IN tears trying to figure out how to fix it so that I can bring a little girls’ dreams to life.

I think of my own birthdays growing up. I didn’t have parties. Especially by the time I rolled around as the youngest child, my family just wasn’t like that. But what we DID do created a happy memory for me. That night, the birthday kiddo would always get sent downstairs and when we were called back upstairs the formal dining room had been transformed with some balloons and crepe paper. The birthday crown was at the head of the table and we got to sit in Dad’s chair with the arms. My mom always made a cake in that trusty rusty 9 x 13 pan. What I give my kiddos is that memory version 2.0.

Now. Let’s talk the no filter part that you’re probably already beating yourself up about. You saw the cake on social media. You saw the birthday party. You saw the perfectly structured events. You looked at 16 Kindergarteners managed well for 2 hours and you’re beating yourself up because you’re giving your kiddo the magic of the trusty rusty 9x13 pan. 

That’s the part you saw. You know the part you didn’t see? When I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed for hours after because I had peopled so much that weekend. The part where my middle kiddo came to ask me to read her a story and put her to bed and I was in tears because I just wanted to be left alone. I apologized and told her I’ll show up better for you tomorrow, I promise. 

I laid in bed watching a few stupid shows and flipping app to app thinking about all of the work I had to do tomorrow for my job and realizing that I would have to get out of this fog by tomorrow because I had bills to pay and a family to care for.

My battery was empty. While it was spent on very worthy activities, when we are out and about showing our best because we were charged, I think it’s SO important to remember that that birthday cake mom you’re comparing yourself to? She’s also the blanket over head “no story for bedtime” mom because she’s just DONE.

But we don’t typically snap a picture of that moment and share it. But just know it’s there.

You’re doing great, momma. Don’t forget to charge your battery. And don’t compare your charging moments to someone else’s that’s out there running on a different battery.

Whether you find joy in that 9 x 13 cake and a couple of balloons or a room full of screaming kiddos, the key there is where do YOU find joy. Because your kids just want you present and making memories with them. Don’t worry about the other ingredients.

You are loved. You are equipped. You are not Alone.

Love, Trina
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Cor 4:18